How Does SEL Help Us Grow?
We often hear the expression “kids grow like weeds.” This is true, my students have been growing fast and even if just a few days go by before I see them I’m convinced they’ve grown another inch. When it comes to social emotional development kids grow more like flowers in that they require more care and support. Social emotional learning gives kids the tools they need for this growth such as understanding emotions, maintaining relationships, and making responsible decisions. SEL helps kids reach their full potential and doing so can be challenging which is why kids need support systems to help them along the way.
Why We Need a Support System
When I ask my pre-k students what they think plants need in order to grow they tell me “soil, water, sunshine, and food.” Similarly, I played an activity with my summer camp kids where they had to “grow a tree” by randomly picking cards that had pictures of what trees need to grow. They only successfully “grew a tree” if they had everything the tree needed. These are not only supportive of making growth possible but they are also essential. Peter Wohlleben writes in The Hidden Life of Trees about how trees support each other. The parent trees communicate with their children through their roots and support them as they grow. The trees live long lives together because they protect and take care of each other by living together as a family or community. Similarly, our friends, families, and communities form supportive units to help us prosper and grow.
Just like the flowers, plants, and trees kids also need an essential support system for their social emotional growth. Support for kids can be their family, teachers, and friends each playing a significant role in encouraging, teaching, and celebrating milestones. When identifying their support system kids may look for a few key qualities:
Encouraging and motivating
Celebrates small and big successes
Remains positive in stressful situations
Helps identify strengths and areas for improvement
Helps set goals to overcome obstacles
Promotes self-confidence
Empathetic and listens well
Knows when to challenge you and knows when to take a break
As a teacher it is my job to be someone my students can count on for support. I also make sure I am fostering relationships in my classroom to further my students’ ability to find support in each other. Parents provide the most support of all and are essential for making sure their kids get all of the sunshine, water, and nourishment they need to grow like flowers, trees and yes they will still grow like weeds. Looking at the essential parts of a flower can be a tangible way for kids to identify their support systems. Check out our worksheet for kids to engage in this meaningful activity!
How to Help Kids Understand Growth
Understanding growth as we grow taller is easier than seeing the milestones of social emotional growth. However, helping kids understand what that growth looks like will help motivate them to engage in social emotional learning. This can be done by first identifying support systems, strengths and obstacles to growth. Writing these down will be helpful for kids to go back to and see how the strengths and obstacles will change as their social emotional skills develop. Setting goals and keeping track of them will also give kids something tangible to see and will feel motivated to set more goals once the first ones have been accomplished.
Here are a few questions you can ask to help your child begin to set goals:
What do you do or what do you look for when you feel angry?
What is something you feel worried about?
Is there something new you want to try?
How can I help support you when you are feeling upset, challenged, or unmotivated? (For younger children who are still learning about they can best be supported parents can offer some suggestions for how they can be supportive for them).
What is something you enjoy doing? Why do you enjoy it?
What is something you wish you could do better at? What do you think you can do to help you get better?
After having these conversations parents and kids can set goals together for growth. Just as flowers take time to grow emotional growth will take time. Goals can be set to focus on each aspect of SEL: self-awareness, self-management, social-awareness, relationship skills, and responsible decision making. More information about the core competencies of social emotional learning can be found here.
Relating growth and emotions to tangible things can be helpful for kids to understand their own growth better. Ask your child to think about the sun in relation to their strengths. What makes them shine? How do they shine? Sometimes the sun is hidden by clouds, or obstacles. What are some obstacles your child faces that makes it difficult for them to shine? Lastly, what are the tools they need to help them grow? Social emotional learning is essential for child development. A flower cannot grow with only sun or only water. Similarly, kids need a strong support system to help them grow to their full potential.
