We are experiencing an important time in history -- from the devastating global impact of COVID-19 to an eruption of Black Lives Matter protests in the United States and abroad. If we have not been discussing issues of equality and race with our children, now is the time. Regardless of age, there is always a crucial space for conversations of love and justice to support the social emotional growth of our children into compassionate adults.
For those of us with the privilege to not have to think or speak about race and equality so much, doing so can be uncomfortable. And the numbers show it. The Sesame Workshop’s “Identity Matters” report found that only 10% of parents reported speaking with their children often about race, while over 30% reported avoiding the topic completely. Always, but especially now, silence speaks just as loudly as words. It can be uncomfortable for those of us who are not yet accustomed to discussing issues of social justice and race, but just as we have a growth mindset around our children’s learning, we must believe that we, too, can learn and grow and do better.
As we all continue to educate and act, here are a few actionable items and tips to beginning these important conversations with our children:
Listen to your child
What they know already and what they want to know. Young children often know much more about race than we may assume. To meet them where they are, ensure you understand the things they are already thinking and wondering about race. How do they see their own identity? What do they gain from different aspects of their identity, and what challenges do they face because of it? How do they see the identities of others? What questions do they have? Adults do not need to have the answers, but we can validate the asking of questions and show that we should not be silent about these things. Adults can even raise their own wonderings, modeling that this learning never ends. You can question and learn together.
Discuss the feelings brought up by race
Make space to consider the feelings behind race. When people are treated unfairly because of the color of their skin, how must that feel? Do they feel angry, sad, frustrated, tired, upset? What about when others see an unfair situation and do nothing? Can you think of a time you felt unfairly treated? How did you feel? How do people feel about discussing race? Excited, uncomfortable, happy, sad, tired? Make room for this wide range of feelings and ensure your children know the emotional work that goes into discussion around race.
Be conscious of the media around your child, and yourself
Many forms of media do not accurately represent the world around us and the identities of its people. The next time you and your child watch a television show with many white characters, do not hesitate to say “I wish there were more characters that look like people in real life do,” or even “Do you notice how most people in this show are white?” If we do not point it out, then it will quietly be accepted as normal. Acting beyond that, you can actively seek out media that diversifies the messages your family sees, hears, or reads. There are many resources (such as Emrace Race’s list of 20 children’s books that support conversation on racism and resistance or Variety’s list of 8 television shows with diverse characters for children and families) that help us support the growth of empathetic, anti-racist children. You can partake, too, be assessing your own bookshelves, shows, and podcasts. These are silent acts that could speak even louder than our words.
Acknowledge the history and importance of protest
Not all young children may know what a protest is. Help them understand that protests are an important part of a democratic society. They offer a way for people to voice their disapproval of something that is unfair, a concept which we know children care about so deeply. Without protests, these unfair things may not change. In recent history we have experienced countless protests, walk-outs, and marches that you may use as other examples. We can help children see value in protests and feel empathy for those protesting.
Model practices that push us towards equality
Now is a great time to model for children how to acknowledge your place in the fight towards greater equality and acknowledge the privilege you hold, whatever it may be. Consider using CASEL’s 5 Core Competencies of SEL to guide how you model.
Self Awareness: How do you perceive yourself and acknowledge the various aspects of your identity? How do you model being aware of the privileges you hold?
Self Management: How do you monitor your own feelings? How do you model setting goals and staying motivated to support racial justice?
Social Awareness: How do you model taking the perspectives of others? How do you educate yourself to better do this work and better empathize with and respect others?
Relationship Skills: How do you work with others around racial issues? Do you ask questions and partake in uncomfortable conversations?
Responsible Decision Making: How you take on ethical responsibility and analyze situations around race?
Finally, I want to acknowledge my place as a white early educator with everything to learn and so much to do better. I write this article as a result of knowledge on child development, but not because of expertise specifically on the topic of race. I hope to encourage others similarly beginning this lifelong journey to include our children on the road ahead. Our future depends on children that are compassionate and take action against injustice.
Here is further reading that we have found helpful in discussing race with children:
National Museum of African American History and Culture, Smithsonian: Talking about Race
For teachers specifically: Tolerance.org
To continue Embrace Race’s list of books and New York Times Parenting list of books that support conversations about race, here is our own diverse list of books that address many of the feelings brought up by work around race and injustice.
