As educators and parents, we know that our children are quick to pick up on and copy behaviors they see others doing. Observing and modeling - two components of Albert Bandura’s Social Learning Theory - are extremely effective methods that students use to learn. This learning happens across multiple environments, including at school and at home.  

According to Social Learning Theory, students:

• notice another person’s action, gestures, and facial expressions

• remember the behavior

• reproduce the behavior on their own

• are motivated to continue displaying the behavior

Even more, when students observe people they identify as role models (that’s you!), the likelihood of remembering and reproducing the behavior is increased. 

For that reason, modeling social emotional learning (SEL) competencies for our students is crucial in aiding their development. Admittedly, it can be difficult to model SEL if we ourselves have never been taught how. In especially challenging and stressful times when we may not feel our best such as during the COVID-19 pandemic, it can be even harder to show our students and children what successful social emotional regulation looks like. 

With that in mind, here are 5 easy ways to model SEL for your children using CASEL’s core competencies, either in the classroom or at home:

1.  Self-Awareness: be intentional about self check-ins

Find a few minutes during the day to take a deep breath and ask yourself how you are doing. Perhaps as your students settle into an independent activity (such as playing with Wisdom) you can use this time to jot down a few reflective thoughts or simply focus on breathing. This reflection time is key in order for us to refocus our attention and understand how we are feeling during stressful times. Then, don’t be discouraged from sharing these thoughts with your students or children:

• “I needed to take a breath there to refocus. After doing that, I feel so much better.”

Your students will see how important it is to maintain these intentional check-ins and pick up on cues to engage in them on their own. Educators can also lead the entire class in check-ins throughout the day, taking a few seconds to center breathing or have classmates ask each other how they are doing. 

For parents, establishing check-in routines that children grow accustomed to (such as before dinner or before bedtime) can help this become a more intentional daily practice. Some children may need additional prompting to initiate the check-in, so you can ask guiding questions: 

• “What emotion did you feel most often today?”

• “Can you name any times today when you felt anxious or nervous?”

Asking these questions will demonstrate to your young ones that identifying and being in tune with their emotions is a healthy and supportive practice.

2. Self-Management: set doable goals for yourself

Setting goals and working towards accomplishing them is a powerful way to regulate emotions and behaviors. Model goal-setting behavior by sharing your goals with students: 

• “Running helps me stay healthy and feel calm, but I haven’t had much time for it lately. I want to set a goal to run twice a week. Can anyone help me figure out how I can accomplish this goal?”

Your students will love offering suggestions on how you can achieve your goals. In classroom settings, ask students to share their own goals and brainstorm ways that peers can help each other with those goals.

At home, parents can set goals with their children that they can work on together. If there’s a hobby the family enjoys doing but hasn’t had the time to lately, setting a realistic goal together will certainly help:

• “Let’s go to the park once a week for some family outdoor time.”

And remember, no matter what the goal is, it always helps to start with a small, doable piece and grow it from there. 

3. Social Awareness: acknowledge the emotions of others

Being able to identify and relate to other people’s emotions are other key aspects of SEL. Model social awareness by acknowledging your students’ emotions and sharing that you feel those same emotions too: 

• “Annie, I see that you are feeling sad today. I felt sad last week when… When I get sad, one way I make myself feel better is…”

Creating a culture of social awareness in the home and classroom will make students feel more comfortable with their emotions and develop their conflict resolution skills. They will be more empathetic towards others and work together to help friends and classmates feel better.

4. Responsible Decision-Making: take time for restorative activities

Long days and countless responsibilities might take us away from the activities we enjoy most outside of school or work. Although difficult, knowing when to say no, powering off the devices, and engaging in your favorite hobby are restorative and healthy practices.

Teachers, you can share your successes with students during a morning meeting the next day: 

• “Yesterday I decided to cook a delicious recipe for the first time in a while. It made me feel happy to do something I love. What activities do you do to make you happy?” 

• “I felt so tired after school yesterday, so I decided to relax by reading my favorite book. Today I feel lots of energy! How do you recharge when you are feeling tired?”

Not only will students love hearing what their teachers are up to outside of school, but they will begin to see how they can make responsible and healthy decisions that positively impact their wellbeing. 

For parents, involving children in responsible decision-making can mirror the collaborative goal-setting practices mentioned above. That way, your child feels like they play an important role in the family’s decision-making process. At the same time, it is important that you take time for yourself to do things that restores balance. Be candid and transparent with your children about taking this time: 

• “I need some alone time to go for a walk and clear my head. Let’s do something together when I get back!” 

Learning how to respect and set boundaries is a great skill, and will also give children a sense of independence and autonomy over their day.

5. Relationship Skills: ask others for support

Empathy and relationship-building are at the heart of SEL. We thrive when we are part of communities that care about us and uphold us. Reach out to another trusted teacher, friend, or mentor to brainstorm helpful routines, get heavy emotions off your shoulders, and form a meaningful connection with others going through similar situations. Share a story with your students about a time you asked someone for help: 

• “After school yesterday, I was feeling stressed! I called my mom and it felt really good to talk to someone I love about my emotions and how I’m feeling. When you’re feeling stressed or confused, who do you talk to about it?”

You can model this behavior for students by asking them for ideas and suggestions too: 

• “I noticed that we had a hard time focusing after lunch yesterday, but Annie did a great job. Annie, do you have any ideas about how we bring our focus back after lunch?”

For parents, this modeling works the same exact way. You can tell your children about a helpful conversation you had with your own parents (their grandparents!) and how it helped you solve a problem. Being vulnerable to your children will show them how to open up to you when they need support. 

As educators and parents, you are the most powerful and inspiring models for young children. Incorporating these SEL modeling moments practices into your day will help your students develop their skills and bring your classroom or home together in a positive way. There is no doubt that engaging in these meaningful SEL practices will work wonders in your own life as well! Who knows - you may even find that the breathing exercises your students do with Wisdom help you too. 

At Better Kids, we are here to support your students’ SEL journeys and your own. Let us know how you’re doing!  Take 3 minutes using this form to reflect and share about your social emotional based teaching this year.